Hello, sisterhood! 🫶🏽
It is April, and you know what that means.
SAAM.
This month will be on the heavy side, but we are here for you! We are going to get this by learning about ourselves, ways to be safe, and ways to celebrate victories in being the warriors we truly are!
This true-life story does not talk much about sexual assault, as it does emotional abuse from a partner. This is your trigger warning…
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When I was 19, I dated an older guy Justin.* He was five years older than me and lived 90 minutes away, so we saw each other often. This was my first serious relationship, and I think in my naivete I wanted to pull all the stops to make it work. After a few years of dating, the fairytale had burned to the ground. We argued constantly.
I told myself…make it work; it’s not that bad.
One of the red flags I should have paid attention to and didn’t was he watched my every move. This was when Myspace was at the height of its popularity. Facebook was not a thing.
It’s so weird to even type that sentence. 🤯
He would follow my posts on Myspace and text me repeatedly if I weren’t answering my phone.
For example, I would tell him, “I am going shopping with Tiffianie. I will text you later.”
That was not good enough for him. If I didn’t answer his multitude of texts (12 texts in the span of ten minutes), he would call, and if I didn’t answer, he would start calling my circle of friends. This was my first relationship, I assumed this was normal behavior. My friends chuckled and said he was being annoying. Present-day me knows this was not appropriate behavior.
One day that is burned into my memories, no matter how much time has passed. I went to the salon and got a blowout. Justin planned to drive and see me over the weekend. It was summer, and I was looking forward to a good weekend. I was sitting on my patio talking to him on the phone. The conversation started great, but then turned into an argument. I tried to change the subject because I did not want to fight.
“When are you driving up?”
Silence.
“I’m not.”
I don’t know if it was built-up stress (at this point, I had frequent panic attacks because of our fights) or being upset from his response, but I started crying. In my gut, I knew the relationship was not worth continuing. I felt like he hated me. I spent money at the salon to look pretty for him, and his response was an ice-cold “I’m not.”
He was quiet for several minutes. I said, “I did this for you; I wanted to look pretty for you.”
After a few minutes of awkward silence, he said “if it means that much, I will leave right now.”
I hung up the phone. We did not stay together much longer after that day. We had a history of breaking up and getting together a few times, but the way he made me feel that day haunted me, giving me the power to stop investing in a dead relationship. It changed the way I value communication with people, and too many text messages give me instant red flags.
I am very intentional about what I post on social media, including my location. I never want to give a person that much power over me. I had no privacy, I was miserable and it was a tumultuous five years of my life.
Does any of this resonate with you?
Have you noticed any red flags in a relationship your sister/neighbor/sibling is in?
FACTS TIME!
This year’s SAAM theme, “Looking Back, Moving Forward,” feels deeply personal as I reflect on my own past.
SAAM celebrates 25 years (#25YearsStronger), while my experience was raw and very painful. I am a much stronger woman, I feel that with each experience, I grow stronger.
Key Actions During SAAM:
- Wear Teal: The official color of sexual assault awareness.
- Actionable Events: Participating in events like Denim Day to show solidarity with survivors.
- Advocacy: Utilizing social media to share resources and challenge harmful attitudes regarding sexual assault.
