Do I nurture or master my children?

In my best efforts as a Mom, I have to admit I made some mistakes. I wanted to raise smart, courageous, generous and caring children. I remember times when my efforts went off the rails. My son was failing in elementary school. I was a teacher so I was angry at him, projecting my thoughts of parental failure onto him. It was a relief when I found out he was dyslexic at 9 years old. I was also disappointed in myself for how hard I had been on him.

woman hiding her face in hands
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on

This experience created trauma for him. He never pursued higher education. He discovered a love for cooking and became a chef. The traumas of my childhood in some ways were acted out on my children.


They weren’t neglected or left alone for days or sexually abused. But there were times I was resentful and angry. I avoided interacting with them when they needed nurturing. Parenting is hard. I had my first child at 16. I knew nothing about anything. I didn’t know how to love. I didn’t know how to take care of myself. I definitely didn’t know how to take care of someone else.

crop anonymous black mother holding hand of baby lying on bed
Photo by William Fortunato on

The one thing I learned is how to love. I learned my child thought the world of me at my worst and my best. I learned how to be compassionate, nurturing, and loving. I saw the man he became and the love he showed his wife, his sons, his sister, and me. We had a great friendship. He taught me more than I could have ever learned on my own.

I want to encourage my sisters.

Make the decision today to be different.

Grandmother apologized for the mistakes. Build a new foundation of love and trust.

Mothers, admit you don’t have all the answers, but together you can work it out.

Create safe spaces for our children without bitterness and blame.

My children grew into incredible adults who are loving and genuine. We can create a world where the traumas we suffered are not poured into our future.

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