It’s April! That means SAAM Month!
Lets’ begin, shall we?
Disclaimer: This post will talk about sexual assault and may trigger you.
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Men experience sexual assault but this is a sisterhood, and in this moment I am specifically talking to my sisters.
Sexual Assault.
There’s a lot I can say on this matter. I remember (one of) the first time(s) I was assaulted. I was 7. I was hanging out with my brother. We were running errands. It was summer and I was wearing this hideous jean bubble skirt but I was trying to give the skirt one more chance before I got rid of it. As I type this I realize that this is probably why I became a tomboy and hated dressing girly around this age.
On this day I cannot recall where we were going but that’s not the point. Sometime during our errands he ran into a friend of his. The friend kept smiling at me and I didn’t think of him as anything as my brother’s friend. My brother was 8 years older than me. Having a teen boy smile at me made me feel special. That was until he repeatedly moved his hand up my skirt without notice while we were walking.
I was walking behind my brother and didn’t notice his friend was behind me until I felt a hand go up my skirt. It was slightly windy so I told myself that’s why I felt. But after the third time of trying to convince myself it was the wind I spun around and caught him leering at me.
My stomach dropped and I wanted to puke. 🤢
My brother saw the look of uneasiness on my face, “are you okay?”
I whispered what happened, he immediately turned around and decked his friend. The friend tried to push up on my brother but at 200 pounds and 5’11 my brother was a big guy. I started crying and the guy ran off.
🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
We went home shortly after and my brother asked me several times if I was okay. I said I was in between my tears and I made him promise not to tell anyone. He reluctantly nodded. I thanked him for standing up for me and he simply said “you’re my sister, it’s my job to protect you and I failed”.
It made me cry all over again because my brother never failed me.
He was the best brother I could have. One of the reasons I asked my brother to keep this secret was a year beforehand a trusted family member crossed a line. He was drunk and that was his ready-made excuse, which divided my family.
Some family members said I should “let it go. Everyone knows he’s a drunk” others in the family were disgusted by his actions. When this sunny day happened on the sidewalk I started to feel like it was my fault. I attract this type of interaction. If I didn’t wear this stupid bubble skirt, he wouldn’t be able to violate me. I’d be unviolated and my brother wouldn’t have decked his friend.
What do boys/men see when they look at me? A victim? A target? A pawn?
The word that comes to mind when I think of sexual assault is loss. A loss of words. A loss of innocence. A loss of what that relationship was prior (sexual assault most often comes from people we know). Loss of men failing us. A neighbor, a friend. A man who we assumed we built a foundation of trust with and it’s stolen like a thief in the night.
Our innocence is stolen never to be returned. An intimate moment is taken from the depths of our being and we are expected to be okay. When we do have the courage to speak up society tells us what we should have done. We are told this could have been prevented if our dress was longer or our cleavage was non-existent.
What about when we’re younger?
What about when it’s our significant other who doesn’t listen when we scream no?!
I want to encourage you today….you are seen. You are heard.
Your shouts do not fall on deaf ears but are a thundering wave that will wash away fear.
You are inspiring others to speak out.
You are showing society that sexual assault is wrong and you are not going to accept it.
This year marks the 24th anniversary of SAAM. Twenty-four years of making a difference in the lives of others and sharing warriors (we are not victims) stories.
Wear your survival as armory. Share with your sisters’ sage advice that has kept you safe. Walk in numbers when you leave the bar or the office after hours. Invest in a defensive keychain if it makes you feel safer. Tasers are handy too. 😉
That sunny day showed me there are men who have principles. My brother stood up for me and protected me as best as he could. From that day forward he always walked behind me. All men aren’t predators.
Predators come in different sizes. They don’t announce themselves or wear neon signs.
Courage in the face of fear is a powerful motivator.
I hope this motivated you to be empowered in speaking out.
Know that there are those in your community who support and uplift you in darker seasons.
